Full Tilt Marriage.com

The Love of Your Dreams

What I’ve Learned in my First 25 Years of Marriage

May 8th, 2008 by Aaron from FullTiltMarriage.com · 1 Comment

Couple Getting Married

Today my wife and I have been married for 25 years. It’s been fun for us so far and I look forward to the years to come. Here are some of the things I’ve learned over the years.

Marry the Person You Can’t Live Without (and Who Can’t Live Without You)

Don’t settle. Don’t marry the logical person. Marry the person who fills you with lust, laughter and longing.

Everyone Marries the Wrong Person

No matter how well you choose each other, there will be a time (or maybe even times) when you are convinced things are so bad they will never be better. Recognize that this feeling is normal and in almost every case things WILL be better. Don’t make a permanent choice (like having an affair or getting a divorce) because of a temporary problem.

Marriage Isn’t About Sex, It’s About Partnership

You get married because you want to be there for one another over the long haul. Marriage says “I’ll be there for you no matter what happens to you. When you are weak, I’ll be there. When you screw up, I’ll be there.”

But You Better Have Lots of Sex

While marriage isn’t about sex, if you want to have a successful marriage you better have a lot of sex. Spontaneous, movie sex happens, but not too often. You need to plan time and energy to maintain an active sex life. Not only will you both enjoy it, it will create a stronger bond between you.

Date Your Spouse

Once a week or more have a date night. If you don’t have the money to “go out,” stay in and rent a DVD. Send the kids somewhere else. A few times a year—as many times as possible—go away for a romantic weekend.

Maintain Your Appearance

We are all going to age and won’t look like we did at 21. Despite that fact we can maintain our appearance. Dress nicely even when you are home with your spouse. Watch your weight and exercise. If you are a woman learn to use make-up. Men, try shaving—even on weekends. Not only will you feel more sexy, you will be more sexy.

Be a Cheerleader for Your Spouse

No, I don’t mean buy an outfit and roll play. What I mean is that you need to be the person who always believes in your partner and cheers for their efforts and successes. Your success as a team is highly dependent on how much you believe in your spouse and your spouse believes in you.

Let Someone Else Correct Your Spouse

When your spouse screws up—and (s)he will—chances are your spouse knows it already. Even if (s)he is not yet aware of their faux-pas, someone will be sure to point it out to them. Let it go. Let your need to be right go. They need to have you be a cheerleader, not a coach.

Make Time to Be Alone

Put the kids to bed. Every night. Get up early to have coffee together. Ride to the store together even when you don’t both have to go. The best indicator of marital happiness is how much time partners spend together.

Let Your Needs be Known

When you need something—whether it is a hug or a weekend with the boys fishing—tell your spouse. Don’t expect them to read your mind. Don’t think you are being selfish and “shouldn’t” ask. If you are going to succeed as a couple you need to be able to get your needs met in the relationship.

Supply What Your Spouse Needs

When your spouse tells you they need something from you, do all you can to provide it.

Trust Without Reservation

For your marriage to work you must allow your spouse into the deepest part of your life. Yes, they might hurt you. Yes, it can be scary. But that’s why you committed to them and they committed to you.

Have Kids Even Though You Can’t Possibly Afford Them

You can’t afford to have kids. Have them anyway.

Ask Your Spouse About Their Day and Really Listen

Ever day plan to take some time to let them talk about their day. Be their cheerleader (see above) and let them give you as many details as they choose.

Hope you find these tips helpful. Feel free to add any of your own below.

Art by Debi Levendusky

May 8, 2008 at 1:18 pm · Filed under Marriage, Marriage Counsel, Marriage Counseling, Marriage Help

Comments (1)

Sex Tips: Get More Sex by Making It a Priority

February 11th, 2008 by Aaron from FullTiltMarriage.com · 1 Comment

Sex & Marriage - Don’t Let Life Get in the Way of Having Sex

By Alyssa Johnson at RemarriageSuccess.com

Sex in marriage can be difficult when you’ve got kids and numerous demands on your time. It’s just not the same as it was when you were newly married and could run around the house naked if you wanted to. The spontaneity of sex gets stiffed a little too because there are little ones whose needs have to be taken care of as well.

But…

Always putting those little ones needs above your own as a couple is a dangerous choice. You need to keep that marriage strong and your sexual relationship is an important aspect in protecting that marriage from all of the other outside pressures. Your sexual relationship is one aspect that the world at large has nothing to do with. It’s just you and your spouse celebrating one another and your relationship.

Men and women’s sex drives are different. There’s no getting around that. It’s important to “work with what you’ve got” and understand how those differences can be used to your advantage rather than see it as something to “deal with.”

For women, a difficulty is that if they don’t have sex frequently, they can start losing the desire for it. It just sort of falls of the radar. This is easy when women are burdened with household and child rearing responsibilities along with a full-time job. There’s so much to get done that sex never makes it to the “to do” list.

Men, on the other hand, just become frustrated and irritable when the sexual relationship is less than what they want. It’s very difficult for men to understand why their wives aren’t interested in having sex at the drop of a dime. Most men’s thinking goes something like this: “It feels good, right? Then why not do it if you’re tired to help you relax and feel better?!”

This is one of those eternal conflicts in marriage that couples need to learn how to sort out effectively. The bottom line, however is that you DO need to maintain your sexual relationship no matter what the external pressures may be on your marriage.

One option for doing this is to schedule sex. Now I know you’re probably thinking, “How romantic!!” But, take a minute and think about it. Obviously you’re having a hard time fitting sex into your routine right now. You make the time to run the kids to their activities. You make the time to go to the dentist. Why? It’s on the calendar and you’ve made a commitment to do it. While scheduled sex may not be spontaneous, it can be romantic. You’ve got the opportunity to anticipate it and prepare for it. Don’t cram a bunch of stuff into those days. Take it easy so you wont’ be so tired. Just the anticipation of it may actually help your desire level.

Give it a try a few times. Make it every bit as much of a priority as all of the other things on your “to do” list. It shouldn’t be something that you squeeze in if you feel like it or have time. It should be one of the top 3 priorities of the day!

Art from Loving Sex

Alyssa is a remarriage expert. She specializes in working with divorced families who are planning to remarry.

She provides high quality resources and support to these newly emerging step families. In addition to her website, Alyssa provides remarriage and step family coaching to clients in person or on the phone.

She, along with a collegue, developed a divorce recovery class for children (FACT - Families Accepting Change Together) . Her desire is to work not only with the children, but also their parents to help everyone adequately prepare for a remarriage with the goal being to avoid a redivorce and achieve remarriage success!

Want to learn more about creating a more fulfilling sex life with your spouse? I want to invite you to download our audio, “Daytime Parents & Nighttime Lovers” by visiting http://www.RemarriageSuccess.com/9117audiosignup.htm

Are you remarried and trying to build a step family? If so, why not become a member of our Tip of the Week? Each week you’ll receive an information packed tip with tons of resources and supports to strengthen your marriage and step family. Learn more by going to http://www.RemarriageSuccess.com/tip.htm

(Article originally appeared at EzineArticles.com)

If you liked this artilce you will also enjoy: